


Heart is a Drum

by sal_paradise



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Gen, and percival, but look puppies, iam so sorry, iam such a sad sack for harry hart, in rainjackets, someone asked for this and it kills me inside
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-12
Updated: 2015-03-12
Packaged: 2018-03-17 13:17:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3530801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sal_paradise/pseuds/sal_paradise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>tumblr user harryhqrt  asked  for: What  if  Harry  had left Eggsy a letter  after he died?</p><p>partially  inspired  by jack london's  letter  to eggsy from the  comics</p><p>pain- does it  hurt this way? to come this far to find they've  closed the  gates?~ Beck</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heart is a Drum

Heart is a drum

He was buried on a Tuesday.  
Funny, of all the things that had happened recently, it seemed like the last thing Eggsy would remember was the day of the week.  
What with princesses, exploding heads and saving all known mankind from total destruction it seemed a reasonable explanation.  
Eggsy’s life had become what felt like a Bond movie overnight, except for one thing... In the Bond movies the hero didn't die.  
No one had told that to Eggsy’s life apparently.  
_Harry..._  
_Harry Hart...Galahad... was dead..._  


It seemed morbid to constantly remind himself of this fact, but it was the only way it seemed real. Harry hadn't gotten the Bond treatment; there was no great villain monologue from Valentine, no snarky banter.  
Just a pointed gun.  
And a minute later- bang- one dead body.  
_Stop_ Eggsy willed himself he already saw Harry’s lifeless body when he closed his eyes at night, he didn't need to see it awake.

_Harry..._

Eggsy examined himself in the mirror, hair, impeccably groomed parted to the left, sharp on the sides as he had been instructed. He fixed the cuffs on his jacket and straightened his tie and folded a blue cotton square into his pocket, as he recalled how Harry had seriously threatened to disown him if he ever caught him with a silk one. Eggsy smiled a little at the memory, but it was horribly forced, he hardly recognized the man that started back at him.  
Not because of the prim and proper clothes but because the man in front of him had aged drastically over night. He looked serious, stern, his mouth seemed to be set in a hard line permanently these days; his eyes were dull and lifeless.  
_You wanted to be a Kingsman you got it._  
_You got the girl, saved the world but at what cost?_  
_Harry._

The answer was instantaneous, as easy as breathing; he heard that name with each beat of his aching heart. He sighed unable to hold his own gaze for very long.  
Roxy had said that everyone mourned in different ways. After the adrenaline had worn off, it was time to count the casualties. Harry Hart was their biggest casualty and it had hit Eggsy like a ton of bricks. He was adamant, defiant telling Roxy and the others it was one of Harry’s upper class rougeish hijinx, and he kept expecting Harry to burst out of every doorway or roof top to no avail.

  
Eggsy wavered between almost hysterics and bouts of anger in the hours and days that followed, while Roxy, who wore her heart even more so visibly on her sleeve, had with teary eyes shaken her head and told him Harry wasn't coming back.  
Still Eggsy remained in denial, trying to quell the growing panic and anger of being left alone.

_How could you Harry, How could you leave me alone? After all this?_

The more Roxy tried to get close to comfort him and sooth his wounds, the more he acted like a caged wolf; snapping at her, the tension and anger building to a fever pitch until one afternoon it snapped and came from an unlikely source.  
Merlin.  
“Enough Eggsy”, he had snapped teeth barred, “enough time has passed for these shenanigans. Harry Hart, is dead” it was vicious, violent enough to make Eggsy flinch, Merlin’s Scottish brogue making him a threatening sight.  
“He is never coming back” he had stormed out of the room leaving Eggsy and Roxy stone faced.  
A week had passed.  
At some point while he and Roxy had taken a break from training and were spending time with JB and Roxy’s poodle Dorsia, Roxy’s mentor Percival had them under his watchful eye and his own canine companion Basker the hound by his side. When he had pulled Roxy aside to lecture her as they had run an obstacle course with the dogs, Eggsy’s heart had ached.

As he watched Percival correct her and praise her hard work, Eggsy felt he couldn't look away, despite the intimate relationship. He longed for it, and it was something he would never have again.  
And he ached all over again.  
As Roxy went back to training with Dorsia, JB chasing at their heels as Basker watched the young pups with a weary glare, Percival approached and the two greeted each other formally before they lapsed into silence watching Roxy train.  
At last Eggsy ventured “you’ve trained quite the Kingsman.”  
Percival nodded “thank you, but Roxanne has proven herself to be more then capable on her own” he smiled weakly as he watched Dorsia and JB play wrestle Roxy to the ground. Basker looked longing at Percival before getting a nod of approval from his master and joining the puppy pile.  
Roxy looked genuinely happy; she deserved it Eggsy though smiling at seeing those happy noses and wagging tails fighting for her affection.  
Percival broke the looming silence “Eggsy I...” he paused.  
“I wanted to extend my deepest condolences for Galahad’s demise... he was a great man and a true friend...”  
Eggsy could do nothing but nod stiffly.  
“He would have been proud of you; Harry would have wanted you to know that”  
Eggsy winced at his name like he had been struck, he sighed “ I would give anything to hear him say that out loud, even if he was chastising me, even if it made me a bad man...” his words dropped off.  
Percival surprised them both then as he came to wrap a gentle arm on Eggsy’s shoulder.  
“If it’s any consolation I would too” he replied.  
Xxxx  
There came a knock at the door.  
“Come in” Eggsy called.  
Roxy entered; dressed in a somber well fitting black Kingsman suit her hair was taken out of her usual high pony tail and flat ironed elegantly straight. She smiled weakly; Dorsia was with her, it seemed only fitting that a Kingsman’s faithful companion would follow them even to death.  
“You look good” she muttered.  
“You too.”  
“Ready?” she extended her hand to him and with an uneven breath he nodded, taking her grip with JB trailing at their feet.

England’s weather reflected Eggsy’s mood for once, weather that was grey and raining like someone on the verge of tears greeted them as the group of Kingsman stood on top of the local church graveyards hill that Tuesday. A sea of black umbrellas.  
Jb was perched on Eggsy’s foot trying to stay out of the rain in the makeshift parka Roxy had made for him and the other canines, Roxy had outfitted Dorsia and Basker as well as Merlin’s black and white spotted Great Dane that Eggsy had the pleasure of meeting briefly named Morgana. The group had had a small chuckle of the notion of Morgana the enemy of Merlin of old myth being his dog was not lost on the older Kingsman.

  
Merlin has briefly introduce Eggsy to some of the other Kingsman there before the procession started, most he didn't know but greeted them as a gentleman as they offered their praise and condolences. But as he was about to be introduced to another, he noticed another Kingsman with a dog, it was beautiful creature, golden in colour with shimmering fur that ran down its body to the floor. “Whose dog is that?” Eggsy asked.

“The late Lancelot’s.”

“Harry and Lancelot were quiet close in life and as result she was familiar with Harry and I thought it only fitting. Her name is Cleopatra”. The dog lived up to her name, fur like gold, head held high like she demanded attention but beneath it, Eggsy saw how sad she was.  
In that moment, Eggsy sympathized with the dog, not only had she lost her master but her masters companion, She was truly alone.  
The small group was somber, Kingsman which he had never met were introduced to him by Merlin stiffly. Now they stood at attention through the sermon.

It didn't seem real even now... the coffin was empty, Harry was here, hidden amongst the funeral guests ready to make a reappearance. Classic Bond.  
But as the funeral wore on and the priest prayed for Harry in the afterlife, it became evidently clear finally, that he wasn't coming back. The pieces were falling into place.  
Eggsy felt like he was suffocating, the world was crushing in on him, it was hard to breath.  
_Harry was gone._  
_Never coming back._  
No more. No more lessons. No more side smiles and late conversations.  
It was not happening again.  
He felt trapped, alone, suddenly he was dropped back into reality as someone’s hand were suddenly tightly coiled in his, he locked eyes with Roxy. Her eyes were filled with tears which flowed freely down her face. As she nodded.  
_It’s alright you’re not alone._

The priest at last began the final vows “For as much as it hath pleased Almighty God of his great mercy to take unto himself the soul of our dear brother here departed, we therefore commit his body to the ground; earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust; insure and certain hope of the Resurrection to eternal life,”

The sleek coffin began descending into the ground as Roxy gave his hand a hard squeeze. Beside him Merlin stood still like a statue.  
Merlin had been stand offish since he had snapped at the two of them. Everyone mourns differently Roxy’s words rang in his ear. Now Eggsy could see a man crumbling under his grief, his shoulders slumped, head lowered, his eyes glazed over in disbelief.  
He was a broken man; slowly Eggsy extended his hand and almost timidly took the other Kingsman’s hand into his own, and was surprised when it was gripped in a crushing squeeze. Merlin face was the vision of grief; this had been the last straw as he openly sobbed for what he had lost.  
Slowly they had approached to pay their final respects, each taking a shovel of gravel. It was the final steps and before Eggsy could sum up his emotions it was his turn, he look at the sleek black coffin.  
_Harry Hart is in there._  
_Harry Hart is in there and he’s not coming back._  
Slowly he poured the earth into the grave and confirmed that Harry Hart was dead and that was that.  
Xxxx

The Kingsman returned to the HQ to celebrate in true Kingsman fashion the passing of the fallen, with the most expensive liquor money could buy. Drinks in hand they waited for the toast to be done. As Eggsy wondered who it would be, perhaps someone who had reigned next to Arthur? So he was surprised when Merlin stepped forward, sullen, eyes still rimmed red from the shed tears. He cleared his throat.  
“Today” he began” “ we didn’t lose a good man,” he paused, gathering his thoughts “ we lost a great man. Harry Hart was most of us aspire to be, he was noble, powerful man, but that was not all, more so then anything he was a good human, he fought for the greater good, for all of us and he never once asked to be treated like a hero, he was fine with knowing the world was safe for another day. He was my colleague, my friend, and yes my brother. Yet, he was an inspiration to us all; he saw the good and potential in those who couldn’t see it in themselves.”

Merlin locked eyes with Eggsy as the younger man cut in “and he knew how to mix a mean martini”. The other Kingsman broke into light chuckles at this and Merlin gave a small half hearted smile at this.” He did indeed, but most of all Harry Hart was not just a good Kingsman, he was great human and he will be truly missed. Long may he reign.”  
“Long may he reign” they all cried in unison raising a glass in Harry’s honour.

  
The rest of the night was spent sharing stories, and consuming more alcohol then if one asked a Kingsman at any other point was a gentleman’s right. Still Eggsy stuck closely to Roxy and Percival for the majority of the night, their dogs in tow. He could see why Roxy liked Percival, while he as more serious then Harry, and more stiff, he was protective and kind hearted, as he watched how other Kingsman reacted to meeting the new Lancelot; some looked on disapprovingly which made Eggsy’s blood boil, but noticing this Percival placed a hand on his shoulder to calm him.  
“Actions speak louder than words Eggsy” he muttered “don’t worry Roxy will prove to them soon enough why she was chosen, and make them eat their words”. He gave a small wink and sly smile as he went off to socialize with the other Kingsman; it happen so fast that if Eggsy blinked he swore he would have missed it.  
As the night wore on people descended into stories, about Harry, stories about missions, stories about his training days (Merlin had plenty of those) stories about his ridiculous dog Mr. Pickle- stories that made damn sure Harry’s memory was alive and well.

  
Eggsy laughed, and awwed and gasped and his heart ached because he would never hear these stories from the man himself, he had hoped they would work their way out of the wood work as the two of them worked and grew together. But those days were done and gone before they had truly begun.  
At some point one of the other Kingsman told him that Merlin was calling for him in his office.  
As Eggsy entered Merlin greeted him, he seemed nervous, on edge.  
“Quite the stories going on out there” he said.

  
“They needed this, I think.”  
Merlin nodded.  
Eggsy I wanted to apologize about before, I-“  
Eggsy cut him off “Merlin, you lost someone very close to you, it’s understandable, I...”  
“He said you would say that” Merlin muttered smiling to himself sadly.  
“What do you mean? Who said that?”  
There was a horrible silence in which one could hear a pin drop.  
“Harry” came the reply.  
Eggsy eyes widened, suspicious.  
“You mean before? He said that in a conversation you had before?”  
Merlin shook his head.  
“No, he... he, left-“Merlin’s voice broke as he held up a simple sheet of paper.  
And Eggsy felt the pit of his stomach give away.  
“That’s why I called you here Eggsy.”  
He held up a sealed envelope, with a pressed red wax seal, that were stamped with the initials HH. On the front in elegant neat hand writing in burgundy read:  
For Eggsy Unwin  
Eggsy’s hand trembled, as he took it, afraid it was a dream, afraid that if he blinked it would be gone. He gripped it as if it was a lifeline.  
“How... how” he stammered.  
“We are spies Eggsy it’s a risk we run in our line of work. He said simply." Iam sure we can make sure a letter makes it to its destination.”  
Merlin ventured “I’ll leave you to yourself.” The other man began to leave giving Eggsy the room he believed he wanted.  
“Wait!” came a frantic cry.  
Merlin paused.  
“Stay.”  
“Please.” Eggsy begged, He couldn’t do this alone- as much as the old him would have insisted he could, he knew he could depend on those around him, and it wasn’t him against the world anymore.  
Merlin nodded as Eggsy opened the letter with trembling hands, He unfolded the crisp stationary and read:

 _Dear Eggsy,_  
_If you’re reading this, Iam sorry._  
_It means that Iam no longer with you and this has been passed to you through capable hands. As Kingsman it is a risk we run in our line of work and I’ve been preparing for this day for the last twenty years of my life, writing my goodbyes at the end of every month. I’ve been taught to have my affairs in order as you will too, Iam sad to say this time unfortunately for me it is the last time._  
_I will be blunt and say that I wish our time together had been much longer, Time is cruel, and the only thing that are truly for certain in this life is that we are born, and that one day we will die. The knowing of when and where is unfortunately not in the cards. While I taught you much in our brief period together, never believe that it was a one way street. You taught me much Eggsy. Never doubt that. I taught you about proper clothes, and fine wines and how to fight but you taught me that there is more than that to life. You need to do it for those around you, and you reminded of that. Your love for your mother and sister is something that no amount of class distinction nor money could teach, it is born into every man, and your heart is your strongest weapon Eggsy. Never forget that. I know I won’t._

  
_I know your heart feels like a traitor right now, that you've made it so far to find the gate is closed. Do not ignore your heart Eggsy. You may also think that you are alone, that no one understands you. That is farther from the truth your family was broken once, it isn't anymore._  
_Roxy and Merlin will be your rock, help them as they help you, be there for them, fight for them, love them, and protect them. Let them support you and grow together. Roxy is a fine spirited young woman who I am proud to say carries the mantle of a Kingsman. Be the strength you need for each other. As for Merlin, My oldest friend, and ally, be his support as he will be yours, look after him, he is truly as lion-hearted as they come, and that wit will find him in trouble one day, but you could never have anyone else beside you who will fight as loyally._

  
_At last Eggsy, I wanted to thank you, for bringing some warmth and much needed humour into my life. Often times we Kingsman get so wrapped up in our world that our silver spoon can be a burden , you brought me back to what it is to be human. Do not use my death as an excuse to quit or leave, you are worth more than that, your father would be proud, as am I.”_

Eggsy felt his breath hitch, since Harry’s death he had not shed a tear, but even as he read this, he felt his heart beating rapidly in his ears, he could focus on nothing but Harry’s words and his eyes began to prick with built up unshed tears.

_Iam proud to see you continue to improve yourself and work for a better life, and to grow into the honourable great man that has existed inside you all along._

The tears he had been holding back for so long now were flowing freely down his cheeks _._

_Eggsy, never doubt, you are truly capable of everything in this world, all we truly need is an opportunity and someone to believe in us, know this Eggsy, I believe in you, and always will._

Eggsy sobbed aloud. The noise torn from his throat in a harsh cry.

 _I Wish Eggsy that this letter could go on forever but sadly, our time is growing short so I have a few more things to tell you. Work hard, help others and don’t let the stereotypes of your class be a crutch, remember who you are._  
_And one last gift from me, Eggsy I leave the only thing I can. It is my honour to present you with the title Galahad. It is yours; I know you will do it proud._  
_This is good bye Eggsy, and remember as George Eliot once said  "Our dead are never dead to us, until we have forgotten them."_  
_Try not to miss me too much; I’ll be with you always._  
_Love, Harry._

Eggsy looked up from the letter locking eyes with a teary eyed Merlin.  
“He’s gone” Eggsy muttered.  
Merlin nodded stepping forward, and before Eggsy could blink Merlin had wrapped the boy in his embrace and the boy finally let his walls down as he broke in Merlin’s arms, the older Kingsman comforted him as he sobbed like his heart was breaking, and all the time Merlin held him, running his hands comfortingly through his hair, and whispering soft nothings in his ear. They both needed this; Eggsy thought as he kept his face buried in Merlin’s chest,they needed someone to understand the void that Harry Hart had left in their lives  
“It will be alright my boy, in the end” he said quietly in his ear “as they say if it’s not alright, it’s not the end and I don’t think it’s the end quite yet.”  
Eggsy nodded maybe, just maybe Merlin was right.

**Author's Note:**

> if you have any requests hit me up at life-on-the-geek-side. tumblr.com!  
> I'll be happy to write for you


End file.
